夏の夜はまだ宵ながら明けぬるを　
雲の何処に月が宿るらむ。


Langsam beginne ich die Faszination, welche die Nacht so lange schon ausübt, zu verstehen.

An Morgen wie diesen wünschte ich, die Schleier der Nacht würden nie fallen. So graue Morgen, ohne Sonne und ohne Regen sind auf ihre zwielichtige Art so grell, dass sie in den Augen weh tun. Ja, sie tun weh, denn sie sind kalt und zufluchtslos.

Im grellgrauen, verregneten Morgen muss man genauso bestehen wie in der graudunklen, verklärten Nacht.

Früher habe ich nie verstanden, wieso Menschen so gerne schliefen und sich die Nächte herbeisehnten. Jetzt, da ich träumen lerne, beginne ich zu verstehen.





Diese Sommernacht, indem sie noch Abend bleibt, dämmert schon -
Irgendwo zwischen den Wolken muss der Mond doch verweilen.

I got the job.

And I'm so deadly tired now... I'm glad that it's finally raining, so the heat won't be all that bad tomorrow.

Today I got up quite early and kind of made it in time to Wuppertal, to see my father. We ate a little bit together and talked. He gave me some good advices concerning my neighbours.

Well, I managed to get everything I needed from him and he was kind enough to bring me to Bochum, where I could finish the circulum vitea and everything related. Just in the middle of doing all that, the secretairy of that school called me and asked me to come earlier than appointed yesterday.

Tried to, but when I wanted to take the bus, ALL busses I had to take were delayed, so I even came later than actually promised. I felt so embarassed and exhausted from running and worrying.... I've been pretty sure that they wouldn't take me.

But the headmistress of that school is really, really kind. She excused me and even brought me some water, before the interview started. It went much better than I thought it would, so yeah... in the end she welcomed me.

I have to go there tomorrow again. My work will start in October, right when I come back from Japan. I'm really happy that it worked out.

I'm looking forward to teaching again. I know it won't be like the Japanese club at my school back then, but I'm sure that I will get along with the kids well, because it was quite nice last time.

But yeah, I will see.

ARGH!!!

I was just in the middle of a course, when I got a call from that School for Gifted Children: They would like to invite me to some interview. I should bring copies of all my testimonies and a circulum vitae.

Tomorrow.

Now I'm like "WHAAA!", because I don't have any copies and I have no circulum vitae written! I have to get all that ready until tomorrow.

Problem is: Tomorrow morning I have to visit my father in Wuppertal, because I URGENTLY need some documents of his for my scholar ship.

So I must copy everything and write a circulum vitae today after university, I have an appointment with my hairdresser tomorrow morning, after which I have to go straight way to my dad to get the stuff I need from him, put everything into an envelope and dash it off and THEN I will go to this goddamn interview.

By the way I should mention that it's freakingly hot and I can't focus any thoughts anymore? And the cherry on top of the cake is my fucking lack of sleep because of my sweet, little dog that is sick because of my mother. He kept me running out with him all night long, hence I slept no longer than 3 hours.

And tonight won't be much better.

..... hahahahahaha...

Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag dir,
Ewige,
die mich lehrte, was Liebe bedeutet.

Was ein Morgen...
Ich glaub ein bisschen versuchtes Familienleben tut mir im Moment sehr, sehr gut.

Regelrecht endorphingeladen wurde ich heute morgen einmal nicht herzinfaktös laut und plötzlich von meinem Handywecker geweckt, sondern von einer Tasse Kaffe vor meiner Nase, die mir zusäuselte: "Mäuschen, aufstehen! Dein Wecker hat gerade schon randaliert."

Hab ich nicht mitbekommen. War vielleicht auch ganz gut so, sonst wäre ich wohl nicht so gut gelaunt.

Es sind eben doch die kleinen Dinge, die selbst einen überschatteten Alltag ein bisschen (wenn nicht sogar sehr) lichten können.

Und so wurde ich zur Pendlerin.

Ich weiß, dass ich es bald auch wieder leid sein werde, aber im Moment ist mir das zusätzliche bisschen Stress sehr, sehr willkommen. Ich mag Zugfahren sehr. Ich wünschte, ich könnte einfach den ganzen Tag in Zügen zwischen Bahnhöfen und Landschaften hin und her reisen, ohne jemals irgendwo anzukommen.

Ich war nur kurz in meiner Wohnung, ohne irgendwen zu treffen, worüber ich ganz froh war.

Uni war herzlich unspektakulär. So gewöhnlich und ereignislos... Und vor allem still. Da merke ich erstmal, wie wenig ich zu solchen Zeiten reden mag, obwohl ich es gern würde und eigentlich auch viel zu sagen hätte.

Aber alle Begegnungen sind nur flüchtig und lärmbegleitet, keine Ruhe, kein Interesse. Man schwimmt einfach weiter im Strom der Pflichten und Belanglosigkeiten und lässt seine Wegstrecke hinter sich, ohne gelebt zu haben.

Ohne gelebt zu haben?

Doch, ich habe heute gelebt. Als heute morgen mit dem Hund durch die feuchtschwitzige Hitze gewatet bin, da habe ich gelebt. Und als der fremde Philosoph im Zug mir gegenüber aufstand, um einer jungen Dame mit Koffer wort- und kommentarlos den Platz zu räumen, da habe ich gelebt. Als ich mich gesehnt habe, auch da habe ich gelebt.

Und jetzt werde ich mich daran machen, ein wenig weiterzuleben neben all dem Informationenanhäufen und Warten, indem ich mich vergebens ein wenig einrichte, ein und noch ein Bier trinke und mich um meine Mutter kümmer, obwohl ich selbst gerne umkümmert würde.

Morgens, 4 Uhr in Deutschland...

So oder so ähnlich.

Nach nur 5 Stunden Schlaf scheine ich schon genug zu haben, denn geplagt von Alpträumen, die sich um nichts anderes als die Uni und Prüfungen und Stipendien und Sprachschulen drehten, bin ich hochgeschreckt und konnte nicht wieder einschlafen.

Und mit welchem Gedanken stehe ich auf? "Ach, dann habe ich mehr Zeit zum Arbeiten."

Ich wünschte, mein haßgeliebter Hypnos würde mich lieber als der Fleiß haben.

Dies sind die Momente, in denen ich es hasse, Workaholic zu sein.

Was macht das Leben lebenswert?
'Die Dinge, die das Leben lebenswert erscheinen lassen, sind immer Momentaufnahmen. Und die ändern sich im Laufe der Jahre.'


Habt ihr solche Momentaufnahmen?

Actually I wanted to go to the "Japantag" in Düsseldorf.

But it seems like life doesn't want me to have fun with my friends.

So I have some compact course today from morning untill the afternoon. There I have to give a presentation for about... 10 minutes? Nothing too serious after all. After that I will most likely respond to my uncle's offer and go to Moers, to do some shopping and to see my grandmother.

Her condition is getting worse and worse and she keeps saying, that she felt as if she wouldn't make it much longer.
I'm a bit worried, but it was too obvious to be shocked or something.

Besides all that I drag myself through sleepless nights and beautiful poetry. So, I'm doing okay, more or less, at least I try to keep up everything you might call 'good work'.

Es ist hier drin so bitterkalt. ... Was man nicht alles erduldet, nur um die Lebenserhaltungskosten so gering wie nur irgend möglich zu halten.

Ich wünschte, die Kälte würde sich wenigstens auch ein wenig auf mein sich viel zu sehr regendes Gehirn auswirken und die Gedanken, die unnötig darin herumschwirren einfrieren oder zumindest zeitweilig lahmlegen.

Ich merke immer mehr, dass Sprechen Silber und Schweigen fast mehr als Gold ist.

Mir sind die Worte, die ich an andere richte, selbst schon fast zuwider, weil sie so ausdrucks- und belanglos sind, dass sie alle Kraft und Farbe verlieren, die sie haben könnten. Mir sind Worte zuwider, die beinahe nicht mehr als praktischer Informationsaustausch sind, abgespeckt und ungeschmückt.

Mir wurde vor geraumer Zeit gesagt, was ich sage und was ich schreibe klänge grundverschieden.
Ja, das tut es auch, solange ich nicht mit den mir Liebsten und Vertrautesten rede. Spreche ich mit anderen, forme ich die Worte gerade so, dass sie für deren Ohren gemacht sind, die Informationen also abzutrennen von Speck und Schmuck. Das sind nicht die Worte, die mir inne sind und mir nahe liegen. Wenn ich mit anderen reden will, passe ich mich ihnen an, um verstanden und gehört zu werden.

Das bedeutet nicht, dass ich nichts Informatives zu sagen hätte, aber oft sind die Informationen, die ich habe, nur von wenig Relevanz, denn relevante Informationen habe ich viele in meinen Interessensgebieten und die tangieren selten die der anderen. (Man denke nur daran, dass Relevanz eine der höchsten Konversationsmaximen sein will.)
Anders als bei meinen Liebsten und Vertrauten, die meine Interessen teilen, denen ich also viele Informationen mitteilen kann und die, im mir besten Fall, auch noch Speck und Schmuck gut leiden können.

Nur zu oft merke ich, dass ich scheitere, dass ich nicht die Worte, die mir da kommen, umformen kann. Manchmal macht mich das traurig, manchmal wütend und andere male stört es mich gar nicht. Das hängt vielleicht davon ab, wie teuer mir das ist, was ich aussprechen möchte.

Stören tut es mich nur, wenn ich meine Worte veräußere und sie auf nichts als Ablenhnung oder Abwendung stoßen.

Die Worte meines Herzens, die mir teuersten, vergehen oft unerhört ins Nichts oder werden einfach nur aufgenommen ohne Erwiderung, die vielleicht neuere, noch schönere Worte hervorbringen könnte - wenn ich es denn wagen sollte, sie nicht an meine Liebsten zu richten.

Darum ist mir das häufige Schweigen inzwischen lieber geworden und das Schreiben umso notwendiger.

Ich bin nicht gut im Umgang mit gemeinen Worten, ich bin nicht gut darin, rechte Worte für die Ohren zu formen. Ich kann nur gut sprechen, was da in mir ist. Wenn ich es aber nicht sprechen kann, weil da niemand Liebes und Vertrautes ist, der es annähme (egal auf welche Weise, ob nun mit Gesten -auch Schweigen kann eine Geste sein- oder Worten), es mich aber zerrisse, würde ich es nicht herausbefördern aus dem Innersten, dann muss ich es niederschreiben, denn das Papier nimmt immer an, egal wann und wo und unter welchen Umständen. Denn ich brauche Distanz zu den Dingen, um sie betrachten und verstehen zu können. Selbst wenn es die Innersten sind, auch die verstehe ich nur durch Betrachtung von Außen aus etwas Abstand. Gerne würde ich über sie reden, um Klärung zu schaffen, für mich selbst ebenso wie für die Anderen. Aber oft, oft sind die Möglichkeiten dafür nicht gegeben, darum bleibt mir nichts anderes, als zu schweigen und zu schreiben, um dann für mich alleine zu verstehen und, vielleicht irgendwann, dann erklären zu können, wenn die Zeit und Gelegenheit gegeben ist.

So verstehe ich auch jetzt erst selbst, warum es mir immer so weh tut, wenn ich auf Erwiderungslosigkeit treffe.

Also seht es mir bitte nach, wenn ich einmal mehr in Schweigen verfalle, dann bin ich einmal mehr verloren in Übersetzungen zwischen den Worten meines Herzens und solchen Worten, die erhört werden können.
Und zürnt mir bitte nicht, wenn ich lange, schwere Worte meines Herzens spreche. Denn Zorn über solche Worte (egal worin der Zorn begründet liegt) ist gleich Erwiderungslosigkeit, wenn nicht sogar verheerender.

I'm back in Germany.

Jeez, the flight was crazy! I've never seen such a disgusting airport like the one in Bukarest. It was gross, just gross and so hot that I almost collapsed.

But now I'm back home and the weather also got a bit better.

Now I'll just jump into the bathtube and then to bed.

I'll post some photos, when Tobi sent me the pictures. :x

So, we're actually just waiting for our time to go. Our plane is leaving in a few hours and it's just too hot to go out, so we're just waiting at the hostel. It's even too warm to eat ... and it's still so early. Tobi's brain is already melting: he thinks he's the king of sparrows and runs through the rooms twittering.

Honestly... I'm also looking forward to the moderate weather in Germany. Although it seems like the rainy seasons (which has never existed before) started... :/

Well, anyway... See you later back in good old Germany.

So, we're back to Bucarest and finished sightseeing.

The Parliament-building is really monstrous. So big and huge and... frightening. I can't put it into other words. We didn't go in there, just walked along the alley up to the building and then returned.

The rest of the day we spent on the platform and the train. I like going by train here, because you can really enjoy the landscape, just because of the train's lameness. But I was happy, since I could bid farewell to the Carpathians properly and I found the time to write a letter.

Compared to Brasov, Bucarest is very dirty, loud and busy. Just like another capital in some bigger country. If I could, I'd return to Brasov right away and do all the tours that I missed.

Maybe it's also the sun that makes Bucarest looking worse than it actually is. I don't like this kind of heat in the city, when the ar is full of gases and dirt and noises and no wind can make its way through the skyscrapers. It's about 35 deg. Centigrade. I checked the weather in Germany, when we come back it's going to be raining at ~15 degrees. Hhaa... So much about summer.

But at least I saw the first Ajisai blooming here.

Jup, it's finally June.

So, this is going to be my last entry in Brasov.

Tobi got better again, but we didn't go on the trip we considered anyway. Despite the fact that we didn't have the money, it would have been too much stress for him, so we relaxed a bit at Brasov, went into the south of the city, where another, little church was (which was closed) and had dinner at a Scottish Pup. I had some Scottish beer and it was sooo delicious.

Well, anyway...

Our train to Bukarest is departuring at 9 am. In Bukarest we will finish the sight-seeing. Most likely, we're going to melt in the sun, but yeah, at least we're about to have good weather.

To be honest... I don't want to leave Brasov. I like it so much here, it's so cozy and... I feel like home here.

But we have to take our plane tomorrow, so I shouldn't complain. ._.

So, the horse ride worked out quite well. We took the bus into one of the villages. We walked a bit and found the farm. The people there couldn't speak neither English nor German, but we somehow made ourselves understood. After waiting a bit and getting something to drink for free, the landlady took us the the hourses. Tobi first refused, but I persuaded him, because there was a guide with us, he agreed in the end.

So we rode about an hour. It was not quite what I imagined, but it scattered my thoughts just as desired. Despite the guide we were quite liberate to do as we liked. That was really nice.

We wanted to walk the 12 km back to Brasov, but on the way the landlady passed us in her car and gave us a ride back to town - really kind of her, especially after giving us a tread earlier.

In Brasov we ate a little bit and went to climb on the Montain, where some kind of Hollywood-like slogan, saying "Brasov", is. The way up was quite hard, because it was warm and I was a bit drunk from the beer I drank during the meal.
Anyway, we made it to the top were some really, really small and poor restaurant was, which served nothing but drinks. So we didn't stay for long, went to the platform to enjoy the view and returned.

Back to the hostel, Tobi threw up - just all out of the blue.

He's still not doing well. Usually he's back to normal after throwing up, but it seems to be something more serious, so we had to cancel our trip to the 'real' Dracula castle. Well, we'd still been thinking, but now we can't go anyway.

I just hope that the last days here won't be too fucked up.

Anyway, except from the ending, the day was quite nice. I think to go out on my own to have a nice dinner somewhere.

So, yesterday we've been to Bran, Rasnov and Sighisoara.

The trip was really worth every Lei we've spend on it. 100 Lei per person (about 25 Euro) for more than 200 kilometers in total.

First we went to Bran, where's the so called Dracula-castle. The entry-fee was comparably high and we even had to pay for the camera, but well... The castle is marvelous. Very well restaurated and beautiful and well guided. Usually the sights here are a bit neglected (therefore you can visit them for free), but this one was in a very good condition and it was really, really beautiful. I liked it a lot.

After that we did a short stop at Rasnov, the old Saxon village on top of a mountain. It was burned down in a big fire in 1924 and not rebuilt after that, so there were nothing but ruins (and a few, crappy souvenir-shops). But the sight from the highest point there (where the church used to be) was AWESOME.

Then we finally went to Sighisoara. The trip itself was... blergh. We drove two hours with one little stop at ... well, in the middle of nowhere. There was a little river through the forest. The water was so clear that we coul;d have drank it, but I refrained from that... just like I refrained from going to the toilet, which looked like it was built back when Vlad was still alive and not cleaned till today.
When we arrived at Sighisoara, we were quite glad that we didn't insist on staying there for 4 days. The city has like 60 houses and the way to all possible sights is far and expensive. But the city itself is really beautiful, small and cozy. Sadly we couldn't see much, because we were surprised by a heavy rain. So we found shelter in Vlad's birth house. There's a restaurant in it now, so we ate and I had a 'Dracula ice plate' as a desert. When the rain got lighter, we could see a bit of the city: the Pupil's Stairs, the Old School and the Protestant Church and then we already had to go back, because our time was running out.

Back in Brasov a real thunderstorm came down, just like you know them of those oh so aweful Dracula-movies. I considered it to be beautiful.

Now it's still raining. Yesterday I thought of a trip to the mountains, to ride a horse there, but we're most likely delaying this to tomorrow, when the weather is said to be better.

So today we'll just finish the sightseeing in Brasov.

Hello from Brasov!

We got up wayyy to early and left the hostel already at about 7.30. It was too early for my fellow companion, so he was grumpy all the time. We got to the Gara du Nord smoothly, no problems - that was not what I expected. Anyway, we already got onto the train at 8.30 and it took almost 3 hours to go all the 166 km from Bukarest to Brasov.
But the view was really beautiful. First there was nothing but wide, plain land and I've been a bit disappointed, but after passing P...something we reached the Carpathians and the view was ASTONISHING. It was a bit like the trip you can see in the Dracula-film from 1992. An old train sneaking through forests and mountains.

Our landlady here is really... energetic. She's still very young and greeted us eagerly, helped us orientating. She also told us a bit about the other targets of our tour and we ended up cancelling our stay in Sighisoara, because it's so small that it's not worth staying there for more than one day. After reorganizing our plan, we went to discover the city.

Brasov itself is really, really marvelous. The whole city is made of those old buildings, the youngest built around 1900. We visited some churches and strolled through the historical City.

It's sad that Romania is still so unknown and even feared by many whom I've talked to. No, there's not that much crime and here are not more poor people than in Russia, Portugal or Spain. Really, that are prejudges from before Romania joined the EU. I think, things are much better now here and it's really worth visiting.

Tomorrow we will make a trip through 3 cities: Rasnov, Bran and Sighisoara. I'm especially looking forward to Bran - you can tell. (laughs)

Our trip to Snagov was pretty adventurous. The hostel managers were really kind and helped us to get a cheap ride with a so called maxi taxi (like a mini-bus) to go to Snagov. The manager even took us to the bus station with the taxi and told the driver where to let us off and to tell us where to get the maxi-taxi back to Bukarest...
Well, the driver forgot about us and we drove to the end station. But he was kind enough to take us to the taxi into the other direction. So, after a REALLY long drive through the villages around Bukarest, we arrived at Snagov.

There was a very big ... resort? Some kind of family-relax-park, no idea what it wanted to be. When we finally reached the lake, we also found a boat-man, who just refused to take us to the church.

So we went back and waited for another maxi-taxi to take us back to town.

In Bukarest we did the remaining sight-seeing, that we couldn't finish yesterday because of the rain. We even found the ruins of Vlad's old castle. It made me a bit sad, seeing it wracked like this, but it was also good to see.

We walked a lot again, so zou can imagine, I'm really tired. Tomorrow we will go to Brasov. The people here are saying only good things about the city, so I'm really looking forward. Especially to see the castle of Bran.

So, we're in Bukarest and our first day is already over.

As I expected it was quite an adventure...

Our plane was late, so we missed the last bus that would have taken us to the city. We tried to get it but of course, we failed and and to take the taxi. The driver didn't really understand us and after all he didn't know anything about the city. xD Our hostel is not quite that unfamos, but he didn't know where it is, so he stopped somewhere IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and asked another taxidriver for help.

I thought he'd end up cheating us, but it was not too expensive.

The hostel itself is really nice and cozy and the people running it are sooo nice.

Bukarest has many faces. We were strolling through the city (in other words, we were lost....) and saw quite a lot of it. North, Sout, East and finally the West with the historical buildings.... of which we also didn't see too much, because a squall was breaking down on us and first we tried to hide and wait for it to end, but after spending hours in some reallz, really, dark and obscure (but kinda nice) cafe, we decided to walk the way back to the hostel.

So... We just walked and saw a lot but yet actually nothing.

Anyway, it was exciting!

Tomorrow we will make a little trip to Snagov, the monastery where Vlad Tepes Draculae is burried. It's said to be a really beautiful place and I'm yearning to see the old places, not the westernized (so far I'd tend to say it looks just like any other European city).

So far... ;D